The cause of pathologic stress

The next confessions that came and the incidents that happened at this time, shed light on the matter of pathological stress and helped me to later understand how it is brought into being. Indeed if my husband had not admitted to such things as are done and thus shed light on the matter, I would never have known anything. I never thought that the things he described could be thought of let alone be done to people.

I became a lot more aware and I began to see that there was a presence of people around me, whether I was at home or out doing my shopping, visiting friends etc., I took note of what was happening around me. I even bought a camera to record what was going on around me. At home it was more obvious. I noticed strange characters arrive and park their cars in the street outside our house and it was these that gave me the most information. I saw an association between their presence and my heart and breathing problems. When I felt anxious I could go to the window and look outside, and always saw the two cars that I had seen on the night that he threatened me. Sometime I even caught a glimpse of the men in the vacant block that adjoined our yard on the one side. When I felt well and looked out there were never strangers around nor their cars. And I saw one other very disturbing thing. If I had voiced any disagreement with my husband on some important issue then within a ten or fifteen minute period I would feel anxious and sure enough there were people outside. Years earlier I had learnt to control these health problems, enough to prevent harm. On one occasion a man had come into our yard from the back of an adjoining empty block of land that adjoined another street so I called the police but he was gone by the time the police arrived. I told them about the people going onto the empty block next door but they said they would not come to my aid if the offenders had not actually stepped onto my property and that furthermore if my husband had invited them, I could not get police help unless they had threatened me directly or done me any physical harm.

Owing to the continuing presence of strange people around me when I went out to do my shopping etc., I decided to go to the domestic violence section of the police. I thought maybe I could get the police to stop them from being around me. The policeman I spoke to was very supportive but said there was little he could do unless there was physical violence. But he said that what I described was mental cruelty and that this was acknowledged in the courts even though the medical profession did not acknowledge it at all. However he said I needed evidence. I would have to see exactly the same person or persons near me on at least three successive occasions and that preferably there needed to be independent evidence or a reliable witness. The time that I had the greatest chance to gather such evidence was at home but they came in the dark and I could not reliably ascertain that each time they were the same people. I had bought a video camera but even with night shot vision I could not get much unless I happen to see them leaving and then when the lights were on the number plate I got a few shots of them. This was hardly enough evidence.

I told the police officer about my husband’s confessions and at that time he had written several pages. I handed over the exercise book and he read it. He said “if he is writing the stuff down, get him to sign and date it as well!" However the officer did admit that he didn't know how useful it would be in court. He also told me about a women’s shelter that I should look into if I need to go somewhere in the future. When I asked for the phone to be tapped to at least find out who my husband was ringing the policeman said he could not do that as there needed to be strong evidence before the phone could be tapped.

When I got home I told my husband I wanted him to sign and date the material he was prepared to write down. His response was "not a problem" and immediately began to write..

“I, (stating his full name), CONFESS THAT I HAD MY WIFE FOLLOWED OFTEN WHEN SHE WAS DRIVING HER CAR TO AND FROM THE SYDNEY HOME, AT (gave the full address). THE STALKING EVEN TOOK PLACE WHEN I WAS PRESENT IN THE CAR WITH HER. THE AIM WAS TO UNSETTLE (stated my name), THROUGH SYSTEMATIC MENTAL CRUELTY. AS A RESULT I SUCCESSFULLY DESTROYED HER HEALTH.”

He wrote it in his normal handwriting, even though the first such entry he made was printed in capitals and he signed with his normal signature. He did not have a problem in writing it down and signing it and dating it. He calmly told me that if challenged about it, all he had to do was say “Oh I just wrote these things down and gosh I don’t know why I did it” and added with supreme confidence that “he would get away with it”. He arrogantly proclaimed that it did not constitute evidence as he said “good people don’t like to believe that such things happen”. Then added "a psychiatrist would only find fault with you, he'd say you were the one that's crazy. So” he said emphatically “any statements, whether signed and dated or not, means nothing!” In contrast to this confident outburst he had an enigmatic element in his voice and in his demeanour, an element that seemed to be indicating a need to be exposed. On a few occasions thereafter he said “maybe some day good people will believe what I have written and want to investigate this matter further”. And over the coming weeks he wrote more blatant confessions again and again. As for instance

“I had attempted to destroy my wife's mental health completely with devastating physical affects produced. These attempts were increased when she stopped driving on her own (owing to bad health whilst in Sydney). I felt satisfied at the results that I had seen. I was jealous of my wife’s abilities, which were much superior to mine and I felt inferior to her. I saw my wife experience extreme difficulty in breathing and I was feeling delighted.” Signed.

And the following… “I engaged hit men to frighten my wife when she was traveling alone or with others, including myself. My wife's health deteriorated under this attack. She seemed to be unable to carry out simple activities which are normally taken for granted eg watching TV, reading a book. She was unable to walk through the adjoining small park.” This was also signed and dated.

I wanted to leave, get a divorce and move on with my life but my gut feeling was "stay there". I felt that there was an unknown danger that held me back and as I discovered later some of my friends, people I trusted were not friends but enemies. They would have certainly betrayed me. Then I chanced upon an article in a magazine that I had recently bought. It said that about 65% of women and 45% of men who are divorced are worse of years after their divorce than during the bad marriage. I had a fair idea by now that he was not alone, that he had those he called "his people" whom he could call on to have me stalked and terrorized. I also knew that he had known all of my friends and relatives so he could easily find me if I went to any of them to get emotional support. Furthermore at that time I did not know who among them was friend and who was foe. I decided to stay until I had enough information about how the health problems were brought into being and then I would leave.

Every day, morning and night the confessions continued.
“You say you must be in a relationship of some sort with the person?”
“Yes. Without relationship nothing can be done” he said. “If the evil one is a relative, spouse or already a friend then it is easy because the connection is already there. You only need to keep doing things to keep getting the person’s trust. If you are not related to the target and you want to stand back from the action then you get one or two evil ones to befriend the target. Evil ones as I told you use procedures. One procedure helps the evil ones to get the target to trust them and to become a close friend once the target trusts them…”
“Woo woo woo stop there a minute what sort of procedure gets you trust?” I laughed but his explanation was chilling.
“You arrange to make them anxious. A meeting is arranged somewhere and when you arrive at the meeting place, you have their anxiety vanish. That way they get a good feeling associated with your arrival.” I started laughing again. How on earth can you make a person anxious when you're not even there and then make it go away when you arrive?" I asked not wanting to believe that this was possible. This sounded absurd. He never lost his composure but grinned in a way that said "I know things that you don't know".
“How on earth can you make a person anxious, and before you arrive?" I asked again, demanding to know. "Do you say something to them on their mobile phone or something?”
“No” he resounded and then remarked “you don’t know anything about the procedures.”
“Then tell me about them” again I demanded, still not expecting to hear anything sensible.

“First, you introduce the target to the crims.”
“Introduce them?” This was too much! I must have looked completely dumbfounded as I looked across at him.
“Not in the way you’re thinking” he replied. “You have to take the target somewhere where they can see one or more of the crims” he told me and gazed at me with eyes of black glass.
“Go on” I said, still looking back at him in disbelief. I had seen his malice now on many occassions but even so it was still difficult to accept or even believe.
“The evil one” he began, grinning all the while, “gets the target to go out somewhere with them. They may go for a coffee in a coffee shop or go shopping together. It has to be something ordinary because a normal approach is always used by evil ones.” And of course this reference to an evil one was to himself.
“I see” I said and again prompted him to continue.
“A busy public place is good because there are lots of other people around so the crims are just people in the crowd.”
“well if there are lots of people around and the crims blend in, then how is the person going to see just the people you want them to see, or doesn’t that matter?”
“Oh it matters” he responded immediately. “A minor incident is created so that the target’s attention is drawn to the crims. The crims may be other evil people” he said “or they may just be common criminals who have done time for something, murder, armed robbery, rape, that kind of thing.” He then added “the incident is minor; minor” he stressed, tapping his index fingers on the table authoritatively “minor is the operative word”. “One just wants the target’s attention. One doesn’t want the target to remember them and recognize them later.”
“You don’t want the person to remember them later?”
“The target must be able to be aware of the crims without realizing it” he said.
“Unconsciously?” I suggested.
“Yes” he replied, “I suppose you can call it that” and shrugged his shoulders.
“Go on... then what?”
“Once introduced the evil one can then use those crims to stress the target, make them anxious.”
“So how is that done?”
“The evil one waits a few days and then makes another arrangement to meet the target somewhere. Or another way is if they have offered any information as to their movements to someone else. If this method is used then that information must be gathered by some other evil ones, who you may know whoever the someone else is.. a friend of the target's or whatever.. but the target doesn’t know you know them or know any others who know that person, only then it’s safe to use it. For instance the target may have revealed that they are going to Myers to buy a new dress to a friend. That information can then be passed on to you via someone that knows you and knows the target's friend, so you know when and where to find the target. It is important not to arouse the target’s suspicion.” He paused, grinned then puckered his lips. “In this latter method when the evil one goes to meet the target it must look like pure chance” he said and broke up laughing. Indeed he laughing as if someone had told him a really good joke.

“Go on” I continued to prompt him, even though I felt disgusted at his display of callousness.
“First the crims are given the information and find the target and hang around in the vicinity of the target but they do not approach the target nor do they do anything obvious. If the evil one only wants the target a little anxious then the crims can be told to just hang about talking among themselves about the target, talking about 'maybe doing something'. That is usually enough to make the target anxious but as the crims dress well and they don’t act strange and blend into the crowd they are not noticed. It becomes very confusing for the target because they feel something is wrong, but when they look around they can’t see anything wrong. It can be a real blow to their self-confidence.” He grinned with delight. I tried to keep my attention on his words and the notes I was taking but I did not like what I was hearing.
“So you’re saying that the person unconsciously knows the criminals are near them because they have seen them before but don’t realize it. And further to that they unconsciously know that the criminals are talking about maybe doing them harm… possibly” I asked not wanting to believe that not only can a person unconsciously know something like that, but that such things could be thought of and done to another person.
“It only works if the target has seen the crims previously” he said “and they don’t become obvious”.
“That’s sick” I told him angrily, even though I was still resisting the very idea. He looked at me contemptuously and told me I was just naïve like most good people and that the world was not a nice place then he went on one could say with "utter objectivity!

“The crims move on and leave the area, as they have been instructed to do, as soon as they see the evil one arrive or they may be given an instruction by mobile phone to get a move on because the evil one is there somewhere and ready to approach the target. With the crims gone the target feels good again, but they attribute it to the arrival of the evil one, whom of course they think is their friend.” He grinned with a sparkle in his eyes and continued. “So an association can be built in the target between feeling good and the appearance or presence of the evil one. This is a good way to manufacture trust but you can also use a modification of this procedure to manufacture other things too, such as consent for something… conformity and other things.” I stared at him for a while not knowing what to say. After a short silence he wrote down what he had written and continued. “Once the target trusts the evil one, they are likely to confide in them and that gives the evil one a lot of information, such as where and when they plan to go somewhere and what they plan to do for instance, or they may tell you their fears or their aspirations, their plans for the future and so on. All this is useful information. It can be used, it’s the ammunition one needs to do evil work.” I started at him angrily.
“So you arranged for me to have seen these characters, who are outside at night? You arranged for them to know me?” He grinned as he admitted it. He told me that I had seen them in the city and specifically when we were at the herbalist. He had come with me to the hervalist for support! He said that they were on the opposite side of the road. I did not remember it at first but then I realized there were a few occasions when I saw some men on the opposite side of the road. I remembered because at the time I felt uneasy by their presence. They gave me "a bad feeling"and I had pointed them out and complained to him about them. He had said that I was over-reacting and that they were ‘just people in the street’.
“Yes I remember” I said.
“You were too suspicious" he said "but you accepted my put off” he added with satisfaction. Unfortunately I had trusted him.

That day we stopped earlier than usual as I was too angry at what I had heard. I went over this material, over and over, even though it made me angry every time I thought about it, I wanted to be certain I understood it all. What he had told me sounded surreal but at the same time I realized there was at least one piece of evidence that made me unable to let it go. Since the threat to my life was made openly, I had found the cause of my anxiety, especially that which I experienced very late at night. At those times I had gotten out of bed and gone to my window. Each time I saw one or two particular cars parked in the street. And I knew that they did not belong to neighbors or neighbours' friends. At that time on the one side there was an empty house and on the other a vacant block of land. Opposite there were also two vacant blocks of land. On a few occasions I had heard the cars arrive and looked out to see two men emerge. Rarely did they hang around on the footpath. Mostly they went into the vacant block next door. If I felt some anxiety I always went to look out of my window and I always saw the cars and on a few occassions I glimpsed the men in the empty block next door, which was heavily wooded and not easy to see people if they were there. And that anxiety did not occur after I’d seen the cars but before! At times that I did not feel any anxiety I never saw the men or their cars.

There was at this time another piece of evidence. That evidence was to be found in my husband’s own experience. I had unwittingly conducted an experiment that day, which bore results. Many afternoons I made a recording of the things that were said that day before I converted it into note form, because he did not write everything he said down and my notes were sketchy. That day my cats, Pussinella jumped up onto my desk, as was her practice and rolled over wanting me to pat her, which I did. However as there was a lot to record I continued to speak into the microphone. I was quite angry for the deceit he had admitted that day, in making me known to the criminals that were now harassing me. I was speaking angrily and to try and calm down I turned the recording into a conversation with my cat. I sounded off about my husband and repeatedly told her I would get evidence and take it to the police, which I did intend to do. I wanted the police to catch the people he had turning up outside so I could leave safely. After half an hour I turned off the tape recorder and settled down at the computer to write. Not more than twenty minutes had passed when my husband came to my door and came at me in a huff.
“Who were you talking to?” He demanded to know. I was taken aback.
“I didn’t talk to anyone I told him.”
“You told someone about me?” He insisted. I told him no, he was mistaken, and challenged him.
"So what was I supposed to have said?" I asked him. He could not answer me on this and the subject was dropped. Not even for a moment had I had considered the recording and the mock conversation with my cat.

A few nights later this incident came to my mind and I had puzzled over his reaction. Then I remembered my cat and the mock conversation. I wondered could it be possible that he could have detected it. In the coming days I repeated the experiment deliberately. However I was not angry and even if I tried to sound angry I obviously did not had the same effect because he made no complaints. Indeed I had been recording the conversations from the very first day and he had not complained or detected anything. A week later I was again feeling angry about something he had done in the past that he was now admitting to, and as the first mock conversation with my cat had helped me diffuse the anger, I did the same again. However this time I had a lot of work to do, so I did not have the conversation until late that night. As I had the whole day to think about it by the time I got round to recording, I was quite angry. This time I did the exercise deliberately and more intensely and as an experiment because I was curious about the previous occasion. He was in his room watching television and I kept a watch of the corridor through the use of a mirror and I made sure my voice was nearly a whisper. Even so his room was too far from mine for me to be heard. I never saw him come out of his room. I was satisfied he could not have heard anything. However the next day he confronted me again and demanded to know who I spoke to. This time he was angrier and he was carrying the long wooden handled clothes brush and threatened to bash me with it if I didn’t tell him, to whom I had spoken about him. I was forced to reveal to him the experiment- the mock conversation with my cat in order to calm him down. He searched my eyes and then throw down the brush and stormed off. Only on the two occasions when I was actually angry did he detect anything and only on those two occasions, as I realized later, had I talked about getting evidence for the police. Thus I realized he must have expereinced somevulnerability and fear.

Another, third piece of evidence came and this time from science. One night not too long after the discussion about creating anxiety, I was hunting through my tapes to find an old Greek movie I had recorded from television to watch. It was a ten hour extended play cassette tape, on which I had a lot of stuff, including some documentaries. It was one of those documentaries that I chanced upon, as I was fast forwarding through the tape that caught my attention. The documentary was about human extrasensory perception or ESP, also known as psi. It pricked my curiosity so I watched it instead of the movie. ESP is scoffed at by mainstream science, however there was one aspect, although not without its critics, that they agreed was at least reproducible in the laboratory and thus considered real by some scientists. This aspect is called precognition or preselection. This phenomenon, as several scientists on the documentary stated, was the easiest to prove in the laboratory. And while the results were indisputable, there was a lot of criticism about what the results meant. Lay people do not realize that experimental results are only the beginning. Such results have to be interpreted and explained. This means that the scientist's understanding and their personal bias can become a factor in determining what the results mean. Some wanted to write off the results as spurious, even thought they were reproducible.

In precognition experiments a subject is seated before a computer screen asked to observe a wide variety of images that are randomly selected by the computer and displayed on the screen. The subject is 'wired up' so that his or her vital signs can be measured. It is found that when a computer randomly selects a distressing image and not only before the image is display, but even before the distressing image is selected by the computer, the subject’s displays symptoms of distress. The most common symptoms monitored are heart rate and sweat rates. These symptoms increased in the first instance slightly and then significantly once the distressing image is seen by the subject. How can a subject know what they are about to see? Even more so how can they know what a computer is about to choose? Some scientists were claiming that we may have some extraordinary evolutionary trait to help us predict the future. I’m afraid I found that explanation far-fetched. For one thing that would mean that we live in a deterministic universe and we can see conclusive evidence from modern physics that most definitely we do not live in a deterministic universe! However even from an ethical point of view it is does not make sense because if the future was all pre-determined, we cannot be responsible for anything. Why punish a criminal if the crime is pre-determined and they are only ‘a machine pre-programmed to do the deed’? It’s garbage! Other scientists were challenging the person’s ability to know. They were saying that the brain waves or energy produced in the brain was too weak. So by the time it passes out of the skull it was nearly zero so cannot detect anything in the computer. Quite so! But their suggestions rested on there being only a materialistic universe and nothing else. Whether this phenomenon is understood or not, the person does know, the results are real.


I realized then that scientists, the majority of whom are atheists, are looking strictly at material solutions. What I realized from this documentary was that it is possible to prove scientifically and conclusively that a person can know something even though they have no sensory information. So what my husband was describing could be examined and observed.. scientifically!

This documentary spoke of a subject and a computer. My husband was advocating the following:-
1.people in relationship, which was a necessary conditon,
2. the target had to be introduced to the criminals before hand,
2. the person seeking to do harm needs to have real means or the ability to act, a gun and
3. the person seeking to do harm needs to be able to hold real criminal intent.

To proof these thing was critical for me. Being a scientist myself, I wanted the evidence that satisfied me.

I wanted to answer the question "are we all born with some natural ability that we could use to our benefit? And if so then we need to be able to speak about it without feeling shame and without it being treated as a symptom of ‘mental illness’. The medical profession treat a gut feeling as delusional and they flatly deny the existence of ESP, relationship or no relationship. What my husband was saying was that a person was capable of insightfully perceiving danger that was posed by other people, provided that he or she had met the people who posed the danger before hand. This was the first piece of information that explained how a person can be affected and seriously affected from a distance! AND how it brought into being the physical symptoms. Danger causes us to feel fear and the medicos call it psychological but I was now starting to realize that it isn't psychological at all but physical. We feel fear in the body because it is none other than a variety of bodily processes that are ignited to prepare us for action should we need to take action. 

In the following confessions he revealed to me how this simple means can be turned into a potent force, not merely to give someone a serious scare and make them panic, but far more seriously later on he admitted how it could be used to affect a person’s heart, even enough to kill them. I was to discover how a healthy heart can be made to suffer a heart attack!

“We have already talked about how to make the target trust the evil one” he began the next day bright and early. Indeed the early morning bird calls were everywhere around us. “You’re clear on that now?” he asked, the presence of the university lecturer in him was never far away.
“Yes, I have understood so far” I said, “so now what happens once the target trusts you?” I asked as I began to light the candles that were standing in rows, now permanently stuck to the table.
“Well, Mr Nice Guy” (a reference he had started making to himself), “can then start using a procedure to condition and gain control over the target”.

“Condition them in what way?” I asked and I knew to some extent he spoke about me, but I was not the only one he had maltreated, not by a long way.
“The target must be conditioned by making them feel intense fear and be controlled” he explained.
“How can you make a person feel intense fear” I asked him. His eyes lit up almost as bright as the candlelight, but with a sheer black sheen.
“As I told you it is done from a distance” he replied looking satisfied. I had observed by now that anxiety could be caused under certain conditions because a person in a close relationship with another person, whether a good or bad relationship, can become insightful. However I was very curious as to how intense fear could possibly be achieved.

“Go on” I prompted him.
“Once again you need information as to where you can pin point the target in space and time” he said.
“I presume you mean where you can find them, specifically in a public place?”
“That is most desirable” he said. “It doesn’t have to be a public place but a busy public place means it is easy to bring the hoods in close proximity to the target, without arousing suspicion. And as I have said all along they don’t act strange” he stressed. “They can be seen as hoods but they must not make obvious signs that connect them to the target. The best result is achieved if they don’t look like hoods at all. If they are dressed in a suit looking like a professional person talking on a mobile. If there is more than one then they may stand around talking among themselves.”
“Why is it better to have the hoods or crims, whatever you call them, to look good? Surely” I asked, “if they look like hoodlums wouldn’t they be more likely to unsettle the person or ‘the target’ to use your language? And if the person is unsettled maybe you can get them afraid.” He grinned at me and then gave me an explanation which later on led me to a most significant discovery.

“If the hoods you ask to do the job look like hoods, then the target can certainly be unsettled and fearful, but they can’t be made to panic in that way. The procedure to make the target panic requires for the hoods to not be obvious… it is best if they look ordinary. They must be seen as ordinary, everything must look ordinary… the whole scene must look ordinary… The target is at a complete loss as to where the danger that they feel is coming from if everything looks ordinary.” “Only that way” he said, “can the target be made to panic. If they see anything suspicious they’ll be frightened and maybe even panicky but they will not be really panicked. And if they are not really panicked” he added in a matter-of-fact manner, “then the evil one doesn’t get an edge.” He grinned and looked pleased with himself. I found this extraordinary but questioning him further about it didn’t immediately yield anything more. He kept insisting “the target must be at a loss to know what is happening if they are to be made to feel intense fear and to panic”.

“How can you get intense fear to start with?” I asked.

“Once the hoods start talking amongst themselves about maybe shooting the target” he said. “We got action!”
“We got action?” I asked, “what does that mean?”
“Well firstly the target is scared” he said “really scared!”
“I don’t believe you are going to make someone feel intense fear just by getting a bunch of hoods talking about maybe shooting the person, especially when they are dressed to look ordinary” I told him. “Do they have a gun?” I asked and once again he grinned.
“I am calling them hoods” he said in measured tones, “but of course they are what are known as gun-carrying individuals”.
“So they have a gun? They’re armed?”
“Yes” he said and then stressed “the conditions must be real otherwise the procedure won’t work. Yes, of course they are armed” he confirmed. “At least one of them is carrying a revolver. And they are crims, some may have done time for armed robbery or murder.” I was stunned; not only for his admission but that he would know such people. I slumped back in my chair so that the high table and the candles covering it hid him from view, more or less. I found it very hard to listen to what he was saying but at the same time I was driven, so I sat up straight again and asked.

“So you know criminals that have done time and are out in the community again?” He looked down and wrote something, taking his time before he answered my question.
“I don’t know the crims. I only know the overseer, one or two of the bosses!” he exclaimed.
“Who are the bosses and how do you get to know them? Surely you would have to be a part of …” I stopped, yet again I found myself not wanting to accept that he had anything to do with any underworld, even in the face of what I had seen and was experiencing.
“You live in the world you like to believe in” he said, “all good people think the world is different to what it really is. The world is a bad place” he emphasized. “And the underworld is not what you see on television. Most people in the underworld these days have no criminal record. They have jobs and families and they appear respectable, regular guys… nice guys” he emphasized. This was not what I wanted to hear at all but I prompted him to go on. “I told you there are many levels, and people on one level don’t generally know people on another level. A few people know people on a level immediately above them and others know people on a level immediately below them. For instance I don’t know the people at the very top but I also don’t know the people at the bottom either and I don’t have to.”
“So you’re telling me that there is a big organization… what like the mafia?” I asked.
“NO, NO, NO!” he resounded. “I already told you there are just networks, people who know other like-minded people. You’re not going to find any organizations and signed up memberships” he said and laughed.
“So who are the bosses that you just mentioned” I asked.
“Oh” he said “these are people who know criminals. Criminals are a sought after commodity” he offered and made a shuffling gesture with his right hand. “Evil people use them, use their services to help them gain power and influence over the people they want to control.”
“So the bosses are part of the lower levels!” I suggested.
“Yes” he said. “They hire the criminals as appropriate, depending on what you want done. Not all types of crims have the same effect.”
“And you obviously know one of the bosses”.
“I’m not going to tell you who I know but I will tell you that I know more than one of the bosses, I know several of them, especially in Sydney.

I summed up for him. “So real criminals are employed”, he nodded, “with a real gun in their pocket.. and loaded” and again he nodded. “They are told where they can locate the person that is going to be victimized and proceed to locate the person.” He puckered his lips this time in response but it was a nod. “They look ordinary and they don’t act strange.” He continued to pucker his lips. “And they talk about maybe shooting the person.”
“Yessssss” he hissed at me when I had finished speaking. “Right so far” he said and made a tick in the air with his finger, as if he was passing me through some oral exam.

“I can accept that maybe they can make the person scared, if the person is insightful enough, but you reckon that person will panic.”
“There is a bit more to it” he said and launched into yet another lecture-like discourse. “As you now appreciate…” he said grating his words, “the people need to be connected for this to work”. He glared at me. It was the day after I had admitted to the experiment that I had done, in talking about him in a mock conversation with my cat. He was still angry but he continued nonetheless. “There are two relationships. One is between the target and the crims, which the target doesn’t realize. The other one and the one that counts is between the target and the evil one, whom the target trusts.” He thought for a moment and then continued. “Timing is all important” he said. “The evil one needs to know when the crims approach the vicinity of the target. Depending on the circumstances this can be pre-arranged or a message can be passed by mobile phone. This can be done directly to the evil one or it can be done through the boss… or” he paused a moment once again, looked coy and then said “the info can be gained from the target.” Then with a renewed air of confidence he added. “The evil one can get the target to ring them if they are just about to leave somewhere or on arriving somewhere and so on.” I realized then why he had an obsession with my ringing him to tell him where I was and when and where I was going. He wanted to know when I had left my sister’s place or arrived at the supermarket etc. He gloated as he gazed at me for a minute or so as if he knew what I was thinking but said nothing and continued with his discourse.

“At the right time the evil one entertains the thought that the target could be shot. The crims must be really there, otherwise it won’t work. The matter is real only when the crims are there and only when these guys are willing to go ahead if a go-ahead were given” he admitted.
“What then?” I asked, feeling sick to the stomach. He was so dark and on top of that I had not seen any of it all those years! How could I have not seen it, how could I have not suspected anything? I knew this was not something to beat myself up about though, after all I knew many other women and some men too, who, as it was clear to me now had been placed in similar situations and not suspected anything either.

“The target mentally perceives the danger and thinks that something bad could happen to them but they can’t see anything around that looks out of the ordinary. They react to the thoughts that they have. Some people might ring the evil one that they trust for moral support" he said and laughed. "Others might just have thoughts like ‘please don’t let anything bad happen to me’” he said and began laughing senselessly.
“I suppose they don’t know that they are in effect seeking help or maybe pleading for mercy from someone who wouldn’t even know the word enough to look it up in the dictionary” I retorted. For a moment I thought he’d stop laughing and feel ashamed by the things that he had done but that did not happen.
“Something like that” he said laughed even harder.

I would have said this whole thing was crazy but for the fact that I had had four panic attacks some years earlier. Each time I did get a thought that some danger was looming or that something bad might happen to me. And furthermore I’d known others who had said the same. On the internet I had read that everyone that suffers a panic attack has the same type of thoughts. I had not said anything to him or anyone else about what thoughts had crossed my mind, yet he described accurately some of what I had thought and felt. It had never occurred to me that my husband was in any way involved. I was stunned but at the same time I felt riled. However my burning desire for information again took over and I easily dismissed the thoughts that made me angry. I lit another candle, composed myself and said,
“go on”. He continued.

“The evil one, unbeknown to the target, has the power of life and death over them” he said looking across at me with glee, but I remained silent, unmoved. I was determined not to react. He hung his head for a moment or two and then continued. “The evil one can give a go-ahead if they want to or they can call it all off if they want to” he said and paused. “In any case after the person has been panicked for ten or fifteen minutes, you let them off!” He said as he flicked his index finger from the back of his thumb. “By that time the target has got the message” he added.
“Got what message?”
“Well you make them panic if they don’t do what you want… such as wanting to go to job interviews” he growled.

“So you arrange for the person to have a panic attack at a time when they will associate it with something that you want them to do or not to do?” I asked, trying to keep the matter impersonal. However it was hard not to remain unmoved. I had experienced a panic attack just before my first job interview and even though I attended it, I did not come across very well as I had been badly shaken.
“I was ready to go to another interview after the first time though” I said stubbornly. This time however I’d had a panic attack at home and it disabled me so badly I decided against going to the interview. I knew I would not be able to be at my best. He puckered his lips but didn’t say anything. “And I was still ready to go after the second one too, and I would have if my health had not suffered.” He ignored what I had said and continued on saying…“Usually the target agrees to whatever it is that the evil one wants, not to go somewhere, not to do something, not to disagree with the evil one and so on… the list is endless. And of course” he added “they don’t know it!” Certainly I did not know he was behind my health problems.

“Once you have conditioned the person in this way, I suppose you reckon you control them” I said indignantly and as an after thought I added, “although getting someone not to do one thing is hardly ‘controlled.’” He did not answer to this immediately and I did not press him for any answer. I dismiss the matter and asked him to go on but he did not want to let the matter go.
“Firstly to address the matter of controlled” he said belligerently, “it is not a matter of just one thing. Success in getting results means you aim to get more and more until you dictate what the other can or cannot do! Men should be the ones that make the decisions. The woman needs to learn to be obedient to the wishes of her husband! She needs to know her place.”
“That is last century stuff” I retorted.
“There are many men who use these methods” he said.
“You are a professional person, educated...” I stared at him in disbelief.
“Yes” he agreed and added “I’m not the only one like me” he emphasized, “that is doing this sort of thing”.
“You are going to tell me that doctors and lawyers and what, engineers and so on do this sort of thing?” I wanted to put him down but he came back even stronger.
“Yes, some people from all of the above do” he insisted. “I’ve told you about it” he said and then pointing his finger repeatedly at me he added. “If you don’t want to believe it that is not my fault”. He glared at me for a while and then slyly added “the woman doesn’t realize anything. She thinks she has medical problems and her husband is her savior, her best friend in the world” he laughed with vulgarity this time nearly falling from his chair. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not. I didn’t know whether he was just baiting me. I shrugged this off and continued to question him.

“And you reckon you got that sort of control over me?”
“No” he admitted you posed problems”. That was interesting, so I asked.
“What problems?”
“Well firstly you could sense danger before the time was right to get the desired effect. You are too intuitive” he said looking particularly ungracious at having to admit to partial failure.
“Anything else?” I asked.
“Well another problem was that too often you still went against me anyway.”
“You didn’t get the desired effect in other words, despite the threats to my life? So let me remind you I’m here to hear everything, while you have things to say and then I will leave, whether dead or alive.” He growled like a wild animal caged but suddenly he changed tack and even appeared friendly!
“I have agreed to talk to you and I am telling you as much as I can” he said.
“Everything… I want to know everything” I told him.
“I am not going to give you names” he said.
“I am not interested in names” I told him, “I am interested in what is said and done by those you call ‘your people’… evil people” I said. I was trying to spell out what I wanted. He nodded but did not say anymore that day. However he had described the basic means to ‘causing a person grief’ as he’d euphemistically describe the harmful acts. In particular he had said that to get the person to panic was ‘the mildest dose of grief’. He further told me that this was the kernel of the procedures used to ‘bring on a heart attack’.

That day and night I puzzled over the idea that a person victimized in the way in which he described needed to be kept totally ignorant of the truth in order to make them panic. Why would a person panic if they can’t see anything wrong? Why when everything looks ordinary? Surely, I thought. “if a person had sensory information that all looked well around them.. surely it would allay their fears. However there was a problem with my reasoning for I knew by then that any danger a person is able to insightfully perceive, owing to relationship, and if it is real danger, would make them fearful. I realized that when the danger is real the thoughts that indicate danger cannot simply be dismissed.

From my meditational practice over the years I had seen time and time again those thoughts that are imaginary and have no reality or that are not relevant or not significant enough to us, can be discharged from mind. But in recent times I had begun to appreciate that thoughts can’t simply be dismissed if they depict reality, especially if they are thoughts that indicate a threat to a person’s life. If the matter is serious and pending it needs addressing so it is natural for those thoughts to persist. Thoughts of danger and especially looming danger necessarily generate fear and I could see that intense fear under the circumstances was justifiably ignited. Fear is a natural reaction that helps us prepare to confront danger. Fear means our body’s energy producing processes are ignited so that we can take action if we need to run away or defend ourselves. Fear also puts us on high alert.

However I wondered, what happens if everything around us looks ordinary? A person cannot correlate the thoughts of danger and the associated fear with anything that we can see or hear around them. Perhaps the person comes to doubt their own thoughts and feelings? Maybe they do just loose confidence in themselves. But I couldn’t see how this would lead one to panic.
“What is it that makes a person panic” I asked the universe.